The Motion in the Ocean

At some point during adolescence, boys figure out that there is a perceived correlation between penis size and stud factor.  All you have to do is watch Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights to understand that his impressively large shlong was substantially responsible for his success in the porn business.

Starting around puberty, boys start picking up the signals that bigger is better.  It’s our job to help them understand that it’s not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean that counts.  Boys, and men for that matter, need reassurances that bigger does not necessarily mean better.

As you communicate to boys about their penises, find opportunities to reinforce that:

  • All penises should be appreciated.  After all, they get erect, and erections, in mechanical terms, are hydraulic events!  How awesome is that!
  • Erections start in utero – that’s right, babes have erections even before they are born- and continue throughout childhood.  During adolescence, because of all the testosterone coursing through male bodies, erections may happen more often, and in less than ideal circumstances.
  • Boys and men have erections while they sleep.  Totally natural.  Again, because of that new hormone production, during puberty, boys will have (at least one) wet dreams.  Kids should know the proper name for them – nocternal emissions – and ought to know that they are no big deal.  In fact, it’s a way for their bodies to practice doing important work.
  • There might be no signs that a wet dream even happened if the ejaculate has dried. That’s how little semen there is in one load (about 1, maybe 2 teaspoons).  When there are drool marks on my pillow, I turn the pillow over.  A bit of cum will dry and is hardly a sign that a load of laundry has to happen.
  • Penises come in lots of lengths and widths.  Some penises have been circumcised because of faith or tradition.
  • During puberty, penises are often on the slow growth track. In other words, boys might get taller, broader, hairier before their penises look equally ‘grown up’.  Often penises continue to grow until males are 18 or 20.  For a time, because everything else is growing, boys might actually think their penises are shrinking!  Assure them that their pricks will catch up.
  • Penises can look very different when erect compared to when they are flaccid.  In effect, some are show-ers, some are growers.
  • When hard, some penises go straight and some curve to one side
  • Whether you have the ‘right’ size penis will depend on what you are doing with your penis and who you are doing it with.  Sexually gratifying a partner rarely has to do with penis size.  Sexual partners might have preferences when it comes to penis size and what feels good to them.
  • Couples can experiment with positions so that different things are felt in different places to pleasure both people.
  • So much can be explored sexually that isn’t about a penis penetrating something.

Now is a good time to reinforce condom use too.

  • Give them information about where to get them and how to use them.
  • Discuss condom sizes and how for most men, the one-size-fits-all approach is adequate.  And that there is room to explore and experiment with different condom sizes and features, some of which are designed for the wearer’s comfort (flared tip) and some with the partner in mind (ribbed).

Boys might have heard that condoms are not comfortable and significantly impact pleasure.  I think there is a place here to help them understand how uncomfortable STIs and unintended pregnancy are.  Creativity is the only barrier to making condom use sexy and a bit of lube on the inside of the condom and ample lube on the outside will keep things very slippery and can help increase pleasure for everyone.  Finally, condoms can help (young) men realize the value of slowing things down so that the pleasure can last longer.

I often encourage young men to masturbate with a condom on.  It’s great practice for when sex with another person occurs and will offer opportunities for finding ways to maximize pleasure while being safe.

I don’t speak italian, but I love this anyway.  Especially the voices!

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